February 13th, 2014

Want to dive into your ocean

You've had it now, Putin--The Russian Olympic team has Homosexual Canadian Cooties

Oh, yeah. That evil homosexual agenda is alive and well, my friends, despite Russian President Vladimir Putin's brave efforts to ban all homosexuals from being alive endangering the poor, innocent Russian children (because all homosexuals are obviously pedophiles, just like all Russians miss Communism).

Back in June, Russia passed the "Gay Propaganda Law", which makes it illegal to tell children about gay equality. More recently, Russia officially made it illegal to let anyone from a country where same-sex marriage is allowed to adopt Russian children. Because the mere possibility that the adoptive parents might be gay is of course of far greater concern than how many Russian children won't be able to have families.

We have to think of the kids' quality of life, people! How could they ever be happy with loving, likely wealthy parents who might hug them with their evil gay arms?

But sadly, Putin's careful stance against the evil gays has come to naught. A couple of days ago, the coach of the Canadian Olympic Ski Team helped a Russian skier finish his race by loaning him a ski. Now, Justin Wadsworth is actually an American, but he was born in Seattle and married Canadian Skier Beckie Scott, so he's basically Canadian anyway. But that's not the point.

The point is, that as part of the Canadian Olympic team, he has, most likely, been in the vicinity of Anastasia Bucsis, the openly lesbian Canadian speed skater. He may have even clapped her on the shoulder, or shaken her hand. And he lives in a country that's already been banned from adopting Russian children.

Which means, O best-beloveds, that it was no innocent spare ski that Wadsworth put on Anton Gafarov's foot. That was a gay Canadian ski, strapped there by likely gay-touching hands.

Does the insidiousness of Canadian propaganda know no bounds?

Sure, Putin himself may have recently hugged a lesbian Dutch speed skater at a party (and really, the fact he didn't ban speed skating, which is clearly rife with homosexuality, was a gross oversight on his part), but he's an adult. He can make educated decisions about who he cuddles in his spare time. He's not a poor, defenseless child rife for brainwashing into applauding the devious Homosexual Agenda.

But what can be done about Anton Gafarov? His foot is now contaminated with gay, which will shortly spread up his leg and eventually into his brain, and who knows what horrors it will wreak upon his person. Will he want to move to Canada and marry a Canadian? Will he begin listening raptly to the fabulous commentary of Johnny Weir? Will he turn gay and start molesting children like every single other homosexual anywhere ever? I fear for him and anyone he may touch from now on. I really do.

Gay Canadian skis one day; a Siberian prison the next. Don't say I didn't warn you.