Jav (to Mommy, who is in the kitchen): I'm your baby dinosaur, okay? But you didn't know I hatched 'cause you were in the shower. You found the egg in the forest where the dinosaurs were. So pretend that you're in the shower there, 'kay? (He goes to the love seat, arranges the cushions around himself like a nest, then sits with his knees pulled up to be in an egg. Then he pretends to hatch and starts making generic baby noises.)
Me (gamely): That was a wonderful shower! I wonder if my baby dinosaur has hatched yet? OH MY GOODNESS! IT'S MY BABY DINOSAUR! (Cuddles kid in pretend alarm.) I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were hatching! Here--have some cow.
Jav: (makes vaguely dino-like screeching noises; pretends to eat meat then spits it out): I can't eat it because it's too big. Hey! Pretend you went on a 'venture, and you left me with Daddy dinosaur, but he died.
Me: You mean, I left you here alone? I'd never leave my baby dinosaur alone!
Jav: No! Daddy was here, but he died! In the shower.
Me: He died in the shower? How did he die?
Jav: Dinosaur hunters came and killded him.
Me: Did they eat him?
Jav: No. They came in the shower and they killded him and opened him up like this... (demonstrates by pretending to pull out his rib cage.) And took his bones out.
Me: Wait--you mean, for a museum?
Me: Why didn't they take you?
Jav: 'Cause I was here like this (squishes up), and they went that way and behind like this.
Me: Oh! So they didn't see you! Did you find Daddy's body? (NOTE TO SELF: STOP ENCOURAGING THE MORBIDITY)
Jav (giggling): I ate it. Go on the 'venture, Mommy!
I'd love to say he doesn't get this from me, but you just read how I was the one asking him about finding the body. I'M A WRITER! I CAN'T HELP MYSELF! I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS!
At least he's stopped wanting to play the game where my children died before I found the baby whatever and took him home, and then making me pretend to tell the baby whatever about my dead children. I never knew whether to laugh or burst into tears with that one.
Sometimes I miss the endless My Little Pony games. Then again, Sherbert the Koala ended up massacring all the ponies in Ponyville with her 'mote-controlled robots more often than not. I would try to flee with the survivors only to watch them be mercilessly hunted down by Tonka trucks across the living room.
The world is a strange and dangerous place, when you're five.