No Whimsy, Sugar (taste_is_sweet) wrote,
No Whimsy, Sugar

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Disaster Muffins!

I like to bake. Occasionally I suck at it, though to my credit I've yet to harm anyone other then myself. Luckily baking soda isn't generally poisonous.

With this background in mind, attend, O best-beloveds, my adventures while trying to make this recipe.

First of all, please note that the recipe itself doesn't actually mention when to add the bananas and blueberries. Luckily I've baked enough at this point that I remembered to mix the bananas with the wet and the blueberries last.

I put overripe bananas in the freezer, then heat them up in the microwave when I need them. This results in very easily mashed bananas, but a lot of excess water. When I tried to spill out the water I managed to dump all three bananas down the garbage disposal.

Did any of you do that 'haunted house' thing when you were kids, where you were blindfolded and given all kinds of benign but disgusting stuff to touch, like peeled grapes and cooked spaghetti? And then told it was things like guts and eyeballs? Well, scooping out three microwave-defrosted bananas from a garbage disposal is exactly like that, only you get to look at it and see the mixed-in coffee grounds.

I'm sure the raccoons or possums will really like those bananas, since I put them in the backyard. Luckily I had three more.

Then, I wanted to use cocoanut butter instead of the oil (cocoanut butter, also called 'mana', is cocoanut flesh very finely ground and mixed with oil. It's expensive but delicious). Unfortunately, it's very hard to melt cocoanut butter when you already dumped all the separated oil. So I ended up with scorched cocoanut. Luckily I had another jar. (ETA: And I just realized I never actually measured the cocoanut butter. I just dumped whatever I'd melted into the recipe. I wonder how much is actually in there.)

Then I realized I'd forgotten to make buttermilk (put one tablespoon of vinegar in a measuring cup, then fill it with milk until the one cup line; wait 5 minutes). So everything went on hold for five minutes, while the previously successfully-melted cocoanut butter solidified.

Everything actually went okay after that, until I dropped a toothpick into the oven when I tried to test the muffins. At least there's been no fire so far!

Those muffins had better taste awesome.
Tags: cooking, rants, this is my real life, whoa
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